i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
