She said her name was "party"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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