Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
