Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
