Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
