i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you never un-have a 4some
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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