you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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