dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
