i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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