Yo dont text me then not text me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
