and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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