well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
