They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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