20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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