dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
