the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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