brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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