YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
