Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
