You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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