do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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