I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I met the friendliest cop last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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