Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
