He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
