i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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