so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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