Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
