i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
