it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
