dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
