Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
