I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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