i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were trust falling into bushes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
