You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
