Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
