The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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