it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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