Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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