I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
