I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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