Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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