So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
