How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
