did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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