so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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