evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
