This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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