A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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