I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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