apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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