So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
