Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
