last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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