Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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