you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
