i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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