you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
