oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
