Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
