yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
